Part 4: Murder Your Un-motivators

I walked into the gym right after New Year’s Day and they had this sign up…

Bring a Friend!
Workout Together!
Have Fun!

Murder! Murder! Murder! I thought to myself. I began a tirade in the lobby at my fitness club spewing forth profanity after profanity while I took the sign and jumped on it like it was a roach in my basement!

In my delirium, I head-butted the smoothie station and overturned three treadmills. While I flipped over a Scion Xb in the parking lot, I felt my skin turning green and my pants and shirt ripping as my green muscles came forth. Okay! Okay! It didn’t go down like that. I did think to myself that it was a great marketing ploy to bring in revenue, but to me this is a problem for someone restarting or starting a fitness program. Hold on! Don’t delete me yet! Many of you will disagree if you have successfully maintained a fitness regimen with your friends. If so, I commend you, but for everyone else, hear me out and form your own opinion.

The following is a dramatization and does not represent actual events. Viewer discretion is advised. LOL! I always wanted to say that!

Halle and Viveca are sitting in the local Bistro eating a chicken salad sandwich and a vanilla latte on New Year’s Eve.(Hey fellas, Kevin and Mike are at Burger King knocking down two double chili-onion ring-whoppers and two jumbo Dr. Peppers!) Viveca looks intently into Halle eyes and confesses how much she hates her tummy flab. She hates how it pokes out on the sides and she wants a flat tummy. Viveca wipes the tears and confesses that she wants to get back in her old jeans. Halle agrees and they both make plans to walk together everyday at 6PM. They raise their hands to toast their latte’s and swear to make 2007 their year.

Day one is a brisk winter day right after the New Year and their hearts are pumping with anticipation of how they will look when it’s time to whip out that bikini in the springtime. They begin a fast-paced walk dressed in jumpers and new Christmas Reeboks. They see old neighbors not seen in a while taking down Christmas decorations or uncovering parking tickets hidden under the snow and ice on their windshields. They shake their heads in amazement as to why they didn’t think of this before. They see other girlfriends out or married couples walking and confirm that this was a great idea. They have time to talk about issues with the kids, family, and the new guy at the office who keeps hitting on Viveca. They end up in Halle’s driveway laughing at the Mineral Green that she selected to paint her bathroom when they realized they covered 2 miles on the first day! WOW! After a parting hug, they go to bed eagerly awaiting the next day for their walking session.

The next day after a hard days work, Viveca comes home and starts her stretches. Her goal is to go further than the two miles when she gets a call from Halle.

“Hello?”
“Hey girl it’s Halle.”
“Are you ready to go? I’ll be out short-“
“I’m calling to cancel tonight. Otis has a fever.”
“Oh okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah girl for sure. I can’t wait.”
“Okay. Bye.”

Otis has a fever. The cable man is coming by. I have to go to a P.T.A. meeting. I have to go to the store. Whatever the reason, Halle couldn’t make it. She couldn’t make it then nor could she make it for three weeks. This put Viveca in a situation. Should she skip too since her legs are sore from the great run yesterday or should she continue? Well Viveca continued because she wants the flab to go away. Well Viveca is a motivated girl. She read this guy’s article about being consistent to meet fitness goals and she has doubled her walking distance in the three weeks that Halle skipped for whatever reason. Well a month later, Halle decides to surprise her and ring her doorbell as Viveca was stepping out for the daily run. Note: she has upgraded to a run. The power of progress! Viveca is surprised but now she has another dilemma? Halle was huffing and puffing after two miles. Halle huffs and puffs after walking a flight of stairs. Viveca has stepped up to a light jog and doesn’t want to slow down because she wants to wear that bikini hanging on her refrigerator. What should she do?

Okay that was quite a fictional drawn out story to bring in most of my arguments. Friends are exactly what they are. Friends. I love mine to death, but my fitness was something I had to do on my own for several reasons.

First, we may not have the same goals in mind. My friends might just want to lose their gut or trim fat around their waistline. If they meet their goals, they may think they are okay to keep their pace where as being a different size or body type, you might have to go a little harder or go a little longer. I learned this lesson the hard way as I always tried to get my friends to workout with me. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t want to workout everyday like myself. Hello! It’s not about me all the time Fred! I had to realize that everyone does not think like myself nor do they have the same goals in mind. Any of my friends can tell you that I wanted to turn green when I get mad from day one. Not clear, I wanted to look like the Incredible Hulk (Lou Ferrigno). I had to realize later on that my friends had their own image in mind, their own pace, or they were perfectly happy the way they were. I had to respect that and move on alone. They support me in my endeavors but for them to do what I had to do was unnecessary to them.

Second, just like Halle and Viveca, what happens when there is a schedule conflict? Do you wait for them, or do you continue? Do you agree to a reschedule? What if Halle always did that? What if she just wasn’t feeling it and decided to play hooky. With that in mind, it’s hard to stay focus when you are surrounded by un-motivators. Which is where I want to key in on. I am not discouraging the use of a good friend to meet your fitness goals, but I am discouraging the use of friends as crutches. You walk by yourself. You do not need a friend to get up and go running. You have to tell yourself this is my goal and I’ll be the only one out here if I have to. I’m not insulting Halle, but Halle might not be in it like you are. To Halle, it might be a fun thing to do not realizing not only are we here for the cosmetics, but we are here for the long term health benefits. It might not be a priority to Halle, which is why you have to keep it as a priority to yourself. Focus:

1) What is your friend’s goal in this? Does she have a true passion for her vision?

2) Is your friend dependable, reliable?

3) Are there any schedule conflicts and is there a plan around them?

4) Can you go at it alone if your friend is unable to make it? (YES!)

5) Does your friend helps make your dreams real or does he/she kill them?

Dreamkillers. We all know them. We see and hear them everyday; that person that ALWAYS see the glass as half-empty. The one that has enough excuses as why something will not work and will tell you why it won’t work. They do not have any drive in their life and their goal is to suck (siphon lol) every inch out of yours. Unbelievably, these are the best friends to have. You have to know how to deal with them. You might have an idea for starting a business and the first thing out their mouth is how they think you are not ready for it and how you will fail. Then they conjure up a list in about two minutes of negative issues they know you didn’t consider before the decision. Then they will laugh and question your character and ability to stick with it. Well let me tell you, it took me about three years to figure out that the friend that always does this is the best one in your corner. He/she doesn’t know that you just hired him/her as your personal strategist. Here is why.

1) Did you consider what he/she was talking about? You may not know it but under the crappy attitude, she/he just gave you worthy information and it’s a good idea to write it down. Remove the emotion and listen to what he/she pointed out. Write it down. Have a plan to attack each bullet item that he/she is good at pointing out. It might be something to consider or a warning of future obstacles.

2) Have you ever asked them what they would do to counter these negative motivating factors? I’ll bet the farm that they will either know someone who can or they won’t have an answer. If they don’t have an answer, I’ll show you how to murder the unmotivators below. If they have a resource then inquire of it. Meet with this source of wisdom and bring up that your friend thinks this is an obstacle in my path to success. Ask them how they dealt with it. That will shut up your friend for that bullet item.

3) If your friend has a history of flunking you before the test why on earth did you tell them in the first place? Kill them! If you really know and feel that you can succeed in this vision, if you are ready to deal with the setbacks as you encounter them, and you know that friend C will shut you down. SSSSSSHHHHHH! Don’t tell them! Keep it a secret. They can’t kill a dream they don’t know about. That kills the Dreamkiller! They are still your friends, but they can’t operate with you in that arena. Don’t tell them you are losing weight, let them see the difference three months later! Kill them! Don’t tell them about the business plan, send them an invite for opening day! Kill them! Don’t tell them about the house, send them a housewarming invitation! WOO HOO!

4) Okay Fred, Mr. Big Talker, great speech and all, but how does number 1) and 2) work if I don’t tell them? I’ll take speculate for $500 Alex! Probe them. Delete image! Mentally probe them. Ask them ‘what if’ questions. Tell them about a ‘friend’ of yours who is interested in doing what you are actually doing. Let him/her go on their rant and you start writing. Here is the issue. Half Empty thinkers get a kick out of finding flaws. It gives them a nugget of esteem to find something wrong. They get built up on tearing down. Why? I don’t know. Actually I do. Dreamkillers operate in fear. False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear of failure. Fear of losing all their money. They let the fear paralyze them. Then they try to paralyze you. The opportunity comes in the obstacle. Look for the obstacles or let them! They have a keen eye for issues and they don’t utilize it. You will. Watch the expressions when you give them a dream of yours. They’ll almost smile like you are a joke when they go into their cut-down mode. What they don’t realize is it’s easier to criticize than to create. They don’t know all the behind the scenes issues when someone creates something. Half-full thinkers will encourage you and may give out issues but they will present it in a way that builds up. They will keep the hope alive. Hold you accountable. I say keep them both in the mix. You are stronger than that Half-empty thinker is. Use his negatively as proving time. Say to yourself that you are going to shut this person up! Use it! The energy is there!

Wow! That was a lot to swallow. I hope it helps. I want you to win. I want you to succeed. Second place is the first loser! No one runs for Vice President! You do not fail until you quit! Kill the Dreamkillers! Stay in the game and wear a hole in them sneakers.

Let me know what’s keeping you going.
Email me at fw1685@sbcglobal.net